Helping Dogs to Be Calm When Separated from the Family

Helping Dogs to Be Calm When Separated from the Family

Separation is a common challenge for dogs, and it’s not just about barking or destructive behavior—it’s about fear and distress. For dogs who feel uneasy when left alone, every separation can feel like a crisis. Instead of trying to “toughen up” these dogs, we can use positive reinforcement techniques to help them feel secure, build independence, and ease worry over time. Let’s explore how to support dogs through separation in a way that prioritizes empathy, trust, and confidence.

Understanding Separation Issues: More Than Just a Bark

Imagine how you might feel if you were suddenly separated from someone you deeply rely on, without knowing where they went or when they’d return. For dogs with separation problems, being left alone can trigger a similar feeling—confusion, worry, and sometimes panic. Research by Mills et. al. from Frontiers in Veterinary Science (2013) highlighted that separation anxiety in dogs is not one "thing" in dogs but actually many different issues that can present similarly, but that they all experience elevated stress levels, which can lead to behaviors like whining, pacing, or chewing.

The goal is not to force a dog to endure separation but to help them gradually learn that alone time is safe and that you’ll always return. Positive reinforcement can change the emotional experience for these dogs, helping them approach alone time with more calm and confidence.

Step 1: Gradual Desensitization and Counter-Conditioning

The first step in reducing separation-related issues is to desensitize your dog to being alone. Start by practicing very short absences—leaving for just a few seconds at a time. Reward your dog for staying calm, even if you’re just out of sight momentarily. This technique, known as counter-conditioning, helps your dog associate separation with positive experiences, like treats or praise. By building up from seconds to minutes, you allow your dog to adjust to separations at a pace they’re comfortable with, without overwhelming them.

Step 2: Create Positive Associations with Alone Time

One of the best ways to support a dog through separation is to make alone time enjoyable. Give them a special treat or toy that’s only available when you’re away. For example, puzzle toys filled with treats can keep their minds engaged and provide a rewarding distraction. Just like a child who gets excited about watching a favorite show when their parent steps out, dogs can learn to look forward to these alone-time rewards. Creating these associations can help shift the dog’s perspective on separation from fearful to rewarding, promoting a sense of calm rather than worry.

Step 3: Establish a Predictable Routine

Dogs thrive on routine. By creating a consistent schedule, you can help them understand when separations will happen and when you’ll return. Over time, your dog will become familiar with the routine, understanding that alone time is temporary and that you always come back. You may find that leaving the house outside of this routine however, could be problematic. 

Step 4: Stay Calm and Avoid Lengthy Goodbyes

It can be tempting to give our dogs a lot of attention before leaving, but this can actually heighten their worry. Instead, try to remain calm and neutral (yet friendly) during departures and arrivals. Lengthy goodbyes can signal that something stressful is about to happen. By keeping your departures low-key, you communicate that leaving is just part of the day, nothing to worry about.

Wrapping Up: Building Trust and Confidence

Helping a dog overcome separation problems is a process that requires patience, empathy, and positive reinforcement. By teaching them that alone time can be safe and rewarding, you’re setting your dog up for a lifetime of calm, confident independence. With each step, you build trust and resilience, showing your dog that you’re a reliable, supportive companion—even when you’re apart. The advice here may work for some dogs that are not too severely affected, but unfortunately many dogs will be resistant to training. For a complete assessment of dogs that have serious separation issues, it is always best to contact a behaviour veterinarian.